“You should do this for a living”…

Anyone ever tell you that when they see that you’re really good at something? It’s a compliment for sure, but it always gets me thinking.
“You should plan parties for a living.”
“You should do this professionally!”
Although flattered, several things come to mind when people say these things. I think about how much work it is and how I enjoy it and I know that if I did it professionally, for people I don’t know or love, was taken away from my family every weekend to throw parties for strangers, just to get a check at the end of it, I know I wouldn’t love doing it anymore. But the thing I think of first and foremost?
“I just want to be a mom for a living.”
Parties, for instance, are a favorite thing of mine to plan. The bridal tea last week was for my best friend’s little sister who I really don’t know that well but since my best friend is like a sister to me that makes her little sister my little sister too. I wanted to do it for her because I love her, I probably won’t be throwing her a baby shower in this century, and she’s already got so much on her plate. She fought me in the beginning and didn’t want it to be too much on me, just like she fights me when I throw them an anniversary party. So I told her to be quiet, and I let her in on a little secret.
“I plan parties because I can’t have a baby.”
Maybe it sounds silly or hard to understand, but it’s the truth. There’s something about decorating a room, planning a menu, cooking, making things so pretty that people gasp in surprise when they walk in the room, and doing something for someone I love that just brings me so much joy. And in a very tiny but meaningful way, it fills the void of decorating a nursery, buying sailor suits or hair barrettes, and presenting a little cooing trophy wherever we go.
Of course there are other things that fill my time as well, most importantly my faith and my ministry, and of course my wonderful husband and family.
And I cannot even express the love in my heart for the sweet, adorable ball of fur {albeit shedding all over my house} that is our puppy Raven. She has given us someone to lay in bed and cuddle with at night, someone to take pictures of to show off to people, someone to fuss over and worry about when she gets sick, and someone to call our baby.
After many failed attempts via many different avenues, the butcher and I made a decision this week to officially “close up shop”. {drop dead gorgeous movie quote…can you tell I use humor to diffuse an uncomfortable situation?} The decision was not made lightly, and it has come with great pain and disappointment. But because of the associated and inevitable risks, there also comes some relief. Relief of no longer wondering every single month, “Could I be?” or “Can we handle losing another one?”
I know that someday every desire will be satisfied and I eagerly await that day. But until then, I’ll keep throwing parties, just for fun.

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9 thoughts on ““You should do this for a living”…

  1. No finer two people SHOULD be parents and would be GREAT parents and one future day will be in the meantime they themselves are great kids to us as parents and have all our love and support

  2. My husband and I are in those waters as well, but haven’t yet decided to pull anchor.

    Blessing to you both. I know what a difficult decision it is to make.

    Heart,
    Dani

  3. Making decisions allows you to move peacefully forward; busying yourself with obvious talents is rewarding while helping others, and also is a positive approach. I pray for you and the butcher that you find peace with this most difficult proclamation. xoxoxo

  4. I love you. Remember song 134 “Just see yourself” think how you’ll feel, how it will be. Jehovah will bless you and Joey. Love you.
    Jax

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